I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
