so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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