And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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