Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
