I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize