6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Banned from zoo.
Again?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
