I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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