this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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