I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
