At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
