So drunk its hurt
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
