Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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