the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
