After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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