the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
