Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
