and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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