she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
