I got chris browned last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
