So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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