she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
