I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
