at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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