The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
