I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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