At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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