Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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