The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
