Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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