I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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