u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
