i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
