it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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