so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
