His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
