I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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