fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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