she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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