Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
