oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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