Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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