Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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