Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Even my vagina gasped.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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