I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
