Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
