New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
