i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
