I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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