Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
