you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
