I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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