Buhtt sex?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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