I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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