at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
