I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
