I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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