Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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