That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I smell stomach acid.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
