I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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