doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
