i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
