It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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