nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
