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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.

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• (213): View more from California

  Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Drinking wine while working. Yay.

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just had sex at the YMCA.

  (917): View more from New York City

  We are so productive today.

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