just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
